Teen Lying

The first time I ever caught my teen lying, I was absolutely shocked. My teenage girl had never lied to me before, and I hated to think she was changing so drastically. When she was growing up, she was one of the sweetest, most obedient children you could ever hope to have. She never disobeyed me, talked back to me, had a tantrum, or even questioned what I told her to do. I never expected to catch my teenage girl lying – particularly so brazenly.

I caught her in a fib when she stayed out too late. Rather than call me or apologize for losing track of time, she made up some story about a car accident. Needless to say, it was pretty unconvincing and when I checked into it, the thing she said didn't add up. I was furious at her, but instead of apologizing she ran to her room and slammed the door.

At the time, I didn't know anything about lying teens, and I thought something must be terribly wrong. Was she dealing with teenage drug abuse, or perhaps suicidal depression? My mind started racing. I knew that, to abuse my trust like that, something must be terribly wrong with her. I searched my soul, searched her room, and in general took everything out of proportion in response to the teen lying.

What I didn't realize at the time dawned on me a couple weeks later: I was overreacting. Most people assume the worst when they confront teenage problem behaviors, but in reality what they are dealing with is a child who is growing up. Teens are suddenly getting to the age where they want to assert their own individual identities, and to do that they often rebel against their parents.

I punished her for lying to me by grounding her for a week, but when that was done I decided to let it go. She earned a punishment for teen lying, apologized to me, and we dropped the matter at that point. I knew that I might have to deal with more bad teenage behaviors in the future – perhaps even with teen lying again – but I also knew that I could take it. There was nothing more to my teen lying than met the eye. She wanted to do what she wanted without consequences. She needed to learn that there were consequences, but I needed to learn that teenagers will sometimes act up and that is important to keep things in perspective.

If you have had trouble with lying teens before, I urge you to keep your cool. Treat them with a moderate hand. Punish them and let them know that it isn't okay to lie to you, but don't necessarily start digging for deeper problems. Unless your kid suddenly becomes out of control, teenage lying is probably just a phase. Voicing your disapproval and maintaining your rules is probably enough.