Who's responsible for the spoiled children syndrome?
Let's face it, both parents and children have a tough row to hoe when it comes to parents instructing and guiding children, as well as the kids trying to figure out what's expected of them. When you hear the phrase, 'spoiled children', what thoughts immediately follow? “Parents spoil their children too much these days.” “Those grandparents are responsible for those spoiled children's behavior!” “Kids are so used to getting what they want, no wonder they're so spoiled.” “There's so little discipline in the schools – these spoiled kids do whatever they want.” The litany of remarks you might hear or think on the subject is almost endless. In fact, there may be a bit of truth in all of these comments.
Let's take a look at the roles of various authority figures in forming attitudes in kids. One party that really can't be held responsible is the kids. So, who does that leave? The responsibility is usually spread across the board, in varying degrees.
Parents, while they want to give their children everything their hearts desire, are not usually in a position to do so. However, they can try. Beginning in the toddler stage, it's easy and logistically expedient to give in to a child having a tantrum at the grocery store. After a 100 embarrassing displays, Mom may just buckle, because she's too tired to deal with it. Dad may buy a child candy and toys by the carload, just to see that cute little face smile. After all, it's Mom who's supposed to make the kids toe the line, right? A visit to Grandma and Grandpa's house is ripe for opportunities to unwittingly create spoiled children. “How often do I get a chance to buy Johnny this or that? That's a grandparent's privilege!” In grade school, the teacher dealing with Suzy's tantrum may stand her in the corner for 15 minutes, thinking that's the best way to quell the spoiled child syndrome. Of course, when Suzy comes home crying, Mom may call up the school and complain at this rough treatment, out of a surplus of motherly protective instinct.
In a kid's inexperienced mind, each of these treatments is interpreted in a cause and effect relationship. Cute behavior works with Mom and Dad, crying works against the teacher, while Grandma and Grandpa can always be relied upon to let me have my way. So who's to blame? How do spoiled children get on this track?
Perhaps the valid question is how each of these possible culprits might modify their behavior, demonstrating love for the child in the same message of guidance. Of one thing, you may be certain. Kids are happy to have everything go their way. Parents are reluctant to stand in the way. Grandparents feel it's their privilege to spoil those kids, because it's the parent's job to dish out the discipline. In the end, parents have the toughest job, because they're left holding the bag for spoiled children. Everyone else seems to get a free pass.
That being the case, it's the poor parents who must bear the cross of being the ultimate authority and guidance figures. Kids are much smarter than anyone gives them credit. As a parent, your job is even tougher, in that you must resemble King Solomon in your wisdom, distributing fair, wise and loving instruction. Spoiled children are usually the result of a lack of even handed discipline. Reasonable discipline, meted out in a consistent manner is an antidote to spoiled children.
The irony? Kids don't really want to be spoiled, except with unconditional love.
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